Practicing Gratitude with Mindfulness and Compassion: A Mini Guide
Rushing Towards the Next Thing
As 2024 draws to a close, I find myself hearing comments about how fast the year has passed by, or how quick the year has felt. Nearing the end of the year, people are getting ready to leave the past year behind and hastily move on to the next. It wasn’t too long ago that I felt the same.
In the midst of the COVID-19 lockdowns in 2020, like many others, I too, found myself wishing that the year would just end. It had been an exhausting year, having to suddenly shift all my in-person Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) courses online. Having to adapt my teaching for Zoom, as well as keep up with my research work, was taking its toll on me. My senses needed rest and re-calibration.
Learning Self-Compassion
That July, I decided to give myself the permission to take a 9-day virtual retreat, despite my growing workload, and recovering from Zoom fatigue. I had intended for that period to be a mini sabbatical and that includes turning toward the slight skepticism of an online retreat. During the sabbatical, I intentionally created the space to reflect on many aspects of my life. The pandemic had surfaced a lifetime’s worth of old habits and thinking and I decided to let them all out with grace. A small tsunami of ancient thoughts and memories came pouring out as I opened the closet door to my past. It wasn't fun, but it was necessary. It turned out to be one of the best decisions I have ever made, as processing those experiences helped me to grow my mindfulness practice. It also allowed me to cope well with my mom's hospitalisation, coinciding with the end of the retreat. In the end, my takeaway was an attitude of self-compassion.
Let yourself feel how you feel, with love and acceptance ❤. It is okay to feel like this! Even if you're not feeling okay, it is okay too!
Remembering, not Regretting
Now, in 2024, I look back at that tough year and remember that I moved from survival mode to a healthy coping mode by shifting my perspective from “what would I like to forget about 2020?” to “what I would like to remember about 2020?”
Rather than focusing on the setbacks and difficulties, for example, I choose to remember how the decision to attend a 9-day virtual retreat and accessing a new practice community had changed my year for the better. Rather than rue the missed opportunities or lament the problems, I choose to practise gratitude.
Gratitude is in all of us already. Mindfulness and Compassion practice simply deepens that characteristic and makes it more accessible naturally. Gratitude can also be an intentional practice when difficulties seem insurmountable and we feel helpless. There is abundant scientific research showing positive relationships between gratitude and well-being.
Practising Gratitude
Here is how you can start practising gratitude today:
Reflecting before bed
Reflect on 3 to 5 things to be grateful for before you sleep. This reflection can take many forms, from meditation, visualisation and even writing. The important thing is to take intentional time before you fall asleep to remind yourself of the good things that happened during the day.
During the pandemic, I restarted the habit of keeping track of my days via journaling. Doing so helped me to lovingly let go of all the struggles that came with the pandemic, and allowed me to find things in 2020 that I was grateful for.
Practising throughout the day
I am not big on rules. I believe you can practise gratitude anytime you feel the need to snap out of a ‘complaining mode of mind’.
For example, when you notice “Why can’t my neighbour lower the volume of that pre-recorded fitness class – it is disrupting my ability to concentrate!”. Perhaps shift the mindset to: “I am so grateful for having a neighbour close by and knowing that he/she is making the time for his/her well-being.”, “Maybe this is a good reminder for me to get into some exercise / yoga / fitness later for myself too!”
Making it Intentional
One way of making your gratitude practice intentional is to bring to mind all the teachers who have touched your life in one way or another. Reflect on what you are grateful to them for. It helps to know that “teacher” can be a broad term. It can be anyone who has taught you something or can be an experience, not just a classroom teacher or a professor. Some cues, using my own:
I am grateful to ____ who exposed me to meditation, which altered my life in a meaningful way many years later.
I am grateful to ____ who taught me how to cycle when I was nine years old. ● I am grateful to ____ who made learning Chinese fun and deepened my appreciation for this language.
I am grateful to ____ who reminded me time and again to balance my pursuit of passion with pragmatism.
I am grateful to ____ who gave me unconditional love and enabled me to show the same towards others.
I am grateful to ____ (a difficult experience) that inspired me to become a mindfulness teacher.
Being Grateful
Writing this, I also realise that I am truly grateful to the students-turned-friends who checked on me when I went into my solitude during the sabbatical, reminding me how I am loved and remembered, and supporting me through my newsletter-writing journey. I am thankful for a friend who wrote me a lovely email on her way back to Africa, reminding me of the deep fulfilment as a teacher. And another friend who edited my new website unconditionally.
I feel a profound sense of gratitude towards all the many other friends who have helped me in my mental wellness journey. Their impact on my life has been deep. I am reminded of this quote:
“'I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. “
~ Maya Angelou
May we all remember to be grateful for the support of those in our lives. May we all live with gratitude.
May we all flourish.
