Being Mindful, and not a Guru

I’ve recently read an online news article and discovered ‘brain rot’ being named the Oxford Word of the Year for 2024. This brought up reflections on how I should be more mindful in my consumption and usage of social media and internet content.

The Popularity of Popularity

Having a large following on social media (Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn etc) has become the in-thing in recent years. Anyone who runs a business, provides a service or sells a product is encouraged to have a social media presence, run strategies to entice followers to share their email addresses to have a more ‘direct’ relationship. After all, it’s free advertising, right? Besides, everyone is on their smart phones nowadays, so surely the best place to reach them is through their phones.

In the field of ‘self-help’, I see increasingly number of self-style ‘gurus’, ‘experts’, ‘healers’ or related businesses promoting themselves on social media. If you happen to accept their social media invitations, you might end up being contacted privately with messages introducing their services, or worse, finding your personal email landing in their email database that you never subscribed. Or you could have genuinely subscribed to their e-newsletters from initial interest, later to find yourself getting almost-daily emails, with increased frequency during festive seasons such as Thanksgiving or Christmas.

How about the content? Increasingly, I found my phone constantly flooded by ‘healers’ who attempt to use storytelling and tales of overcoming adversity to garner sympathy and increase the ‘healer’s’ credibility. Stories are important, I agree, to deliver messages. However, when it gets too many, it is as if the ‘healer’ has it all figured out in life. That makes me start to doubt their authenticity. I also wonder if they see the irony of overwhelming their followers with so many stories when the wisdom of life is clearly seeing life for what it is, pain and all? Or if modern life’s stressors come from the overconsumption of social media leading to ‘brain rot’, that negatively impact mental wellbeing, how would bombardment of peoples’ mind-space be congruent with their mission to ‘heal’ people?

As I mentally trace my time use on emails, I found myself spending unnecessary time and effort deleting emails more than reading emails. 2024 is the year I had to unsubscribe from many newsletters that sent me almost daily-emails, or being firm to ‘marked as spam’ for those unsolicited and irrelevant emails I have never subscribed – those telling you that you have won some awards at overseas conferences (which come at a fee of course). I learned over time to turn off notifications from certain social media on my phone or inbox, but as apps constantly go through upgrades, I sometimes struggle to avoid some of these entering my mailbox or smartphone.

A Light in the Darkness? Or a Candle in the Wind?

Looking through all the posts, videos, articles and newsletters these ‘experts’ and ‘gurus’ put out, I can’t help but wonder if they themselves have become slaves to the algorithm and the masses. Of course, not all healers are like this. I would imagine that as ‘teachers’, these ‘gurus’ and ‘healers’ would be a light in the darkness, but the more they play the social media game, I can’t help questioning their intention and their depth of practice. Instead of being a pillar of light and wisdom, they become candles blown around in the winds of short-sighted opportunistic marketing practices.

Rather than being enlightening, the content that is being posted to social media has been tailored to be more entertaining, which reminds me of sensationalism tactic in mass media or journalism. As ‘teachers’ or ‘healers’ there is certainly nothing wrong with stepping into the limelight to offer wisdom to the masses, but it is easy to be seduced by the allure of popularity and fame if we forget our primary mission. Growing a following on the internet is but a means to help your followers live better, more mindful lives, not to simply flaunt your wisdom or sell more courses.

Another concern I have is that these ‘gurus’ chase for popularity becomes tacit approval for their followers to do the same. When these followers end up getting sucked into the internet popularity rat race, they open themselves up to self-doubt and disappointment when such popularity fails to manifest.

By placing self-worth in the hands of social media algorithms and the internet masses, we can be blinded to the truth that popularity based on entertaining the masses is ultimately hollow and fickle. I believe in posting content with the intention of benefiting my followers, not just entertaining them. I am satisfied if my following remains small, but each and every one of these followers are enriched by what I put out into the world.

Shining My Light

I rarely self-promote, and it has gotten worse as I did not want to sacrifice my values by following the masses. When people asked me ‘how’s business going?’ would trigger a cringe in my belly. I’ve never really seen myself doing a ‘business’ even though it is an administrative fact to set up a business name to operate. All these years, all I see is servicing humanity by teaching.

In my beginning days as a mindfulness teacher (and before that, yoga teacher), I would post and write things from other more experienced teachers that resonated with me. I have no qualms sharing valuable and impactful wisdom that did not come from me, because I feel that there was and still is value in sharing such wisdom with the world. I have never felt the need to style myself a ‘guru’ and post words of wisdom or teachings on the internet. My focus has always been on sharing what works for me, in hopes that my readers can find what works for them.

I have been fortunate enough that through my sharing and limited posting on the internet, I managed to receive enquiries for my courses. And over time, I managed to grow a physical presence in the mindfulness community. I have found that as I teach more classes, I have developed my own voice. While I still look to more experienced teachers for their wisdom and guidance, I have developed confidence in my own ability to guide people towards mindfulness. Years of hard work and sincere practising has translated into being able to connect with my participants and provide them with the ability to change their own lives for the better. Perhaps so, the authenticity and positive impact have organically translated into word-of-mouth recommendations by my participants and organisations that I have worked with.

My journey to where I am now has not been all sunshine and roses. Early on, there were some occasions where I spoke for free at corporate events to promote my services. Years later, I realised that such speaking engagements were just marketing gimmicks to get people to sign up for financial services. Once I realised that, I stopped speaking at such events, even though it provided me a chance to reach more audiences. I simply did not want to lend my credibility to such predatory events.

As a small ‘business’ owner and mindfulness practitioner, I often check in with my ethics and intentions. I find myself constantly having to strike a balance between growing my business and valuing a simple lifestyle. I could spend more time on social media, promoting my business, but that would come at the cost to my mental wellness. I need to regularly set aside time to consider how to run my business, and if the things I am doing align with the values I teach and live for.

I Was Once in the Dark

I know the dark side of marketing and promotion all too well. A substantial part of my young adult life was spent using marketing to manipulate people’s choices. As a marketer, I identified your (superficial) ‘needs’ based on your profile and created the product and promotion to make you want to buy the product. I also was involved in pricing management in the F&B and hospitality industries as a consultant to help big businesses manipulate consumers’ mind to buy one item over another.

I am familiar with the sophisticated manipulative strategies that companies use to induce a ‘sense of lack’ and get you to shop on impulse. Strategies like having limited time offers and bundle deals condition you into a cycle of worldly desire and greed. Slowly, you are trained to feel like nothing is ever enough, and you call into a spiral of always craving more. On a few occasions, I see of these strategies applied to mindfulness courses, and I can’t help but worry about the commoditization of mindfulness. If you think I am perfect, unfortunately not. Sometimes, I find myself in a struggle between not wanting to adopt these manipulative techniques and worrying that people would not be able to find me, affecting my ability to bring light into the world, or sustain my livelihood.

Not Going Back to the Old (Popular) Ways

I have to catch this train of thought to stop myself from jumping onto the bandwagon of excessive social media and self-promotion. Such thinking stems from the ‘not enough’ mentality – not enough people know me, I am not working hard enough, I am not good enough. But I have to remind myself that if I don’t enjoy using social media, know of its potential harms to the human mind, and frequently help my participants to regulate their social media usage, why then would I resort to social media to gain followers?

I like to call this realisation a ‘truth of pain’ when I let go of resisting what feels morally right for me. Pain is inevitable, Suffering is optional. It is a wisdom gained over time. It requires deep trust and letting go of the fears and anxieties that hold me back. I don’t need followers who are looking for saucy stories. I have faith that when I work with authenticity, people will find me. Even though I might have fewer followers, I have more genuine friends. I aspire to be an honest friend to myself, and I try to convey that through my teaching. At the end of the day, I can validate myself for staying true to my values, and in that, there is peace. Yes, you can monetise a large social media following, but peace is priceless.

Good teachers speak their truth. They bring out the best in you, not reinforce your sense of lack. They share their personal stories at appropriate times. You can sense their vulnerability is real, not being used to gain empathy. Students naturally find the teachers that espouse truths that speak to them. This is a much healthier eco-system than having students flock to you for your sensational stories.

I Am Not Your Guru

So here I am. I am not your ‘guru’ nor a ‘mindfulness expert’. Yes I may learn a lot over the years from sincere practice devotedly attending retreats, learning from wise teachers, delving in mindfulness research. But I know that I don’t know everything. I have my ups and downs. I still experience pain. I still suffer. I am not fully enlightened. I do not know more than you do about your own life.

I share what works for me, in hopes that it works for you. I know it can help, but that it might not always. What works for me might not work for you, however, there are many other methods and techniques that you can try. I want to help you explore all the different ways to establish your mindfulness practice, and teach you how to evaluate how it works for you. I want to teach you how to be your own ‘guru’.

You get to choose what works best for you. I am merely a guide by the side than the sage on the stage, as coined by Allison King, EdD, Associate Professor of Education at California State University. I hope to learn from you, as you learn from me.