Don’t Fall Into the Trap of Making Resolutions
New Year New You
As 2024 draws to a close, and 2025 is about to start, I often hear people wishing others, “Hope your new year gets off to a good start!” This makes me wonder, what does a good start really look like?
Inevitably, we carry the hopes and regrets that we accumulate over the past year into the next. We can’t help but think a good start to the year would be one where we rewrite the mistakes of the previous year and improve on what we had. We get obsessed over the lessons we’ve learnt and try to live a new year without making those same mistakes. And so we make resolutions. To do better, to feel better. To be better.
Let the Past Inform, not Anchor
There is nothing wrong with learning from your past. In fact, that is how we learn and grow as humans. But sometimes, we can get so afraid of committing past mistakes that we end up focusing on them, and letting the past consume us. Rather than learning from them, these mistakes merely haunt you.
Don’t let the past be a burdensome anchor, but be the wind in your sails. If you find yourself ruminating on the mistakes in your past, caught in a storm of indecision, unable to live in the moment, then it is time to “let be and let go”.
Yes, the lessons you could learn from that past experience could be valuable, but it is no good to you if all you take away from it is anxiety, shame or guilt. Only when we are free of the entanglement from these negative emotions – through the skilful practice of mindfulness - can we be free to explore the bountiful seas of life.
Focus on the Process, not the Outcome
Another way our past can become weighty anchors is by making us feel we need to draw up big resolutions and white-knuckle our way into achieving them. A resolution is like a treasure island: a destination where you want to go. We tend to focus on what the end-result will be: who we will become, what we will achieve. But we forget that to get to any treasure, the process matters.
The first thing we need is a map: a way, or ways to get there. It won’t be always clear, but something to give idea of the directions. The second thing? Honing our mindset to navigate our inner terrain when the going gets tough - for examples, when to motivate ourselves to try harder, when to take a pause to calibrate. Without these sound process, our efforts would be expended haphazardly, until we get winded and give up before reaching our destination.
This upcoming year, why not focus on the process? Enable yourself to achieve the goals you set for yourself by approaching them in a systematic, healthy way that is kind and flexible, rather than harsh and rigid. Rather than desperately dog-paddle your way to treasure island, why not set yourself up for success, by studying the map and developing your mindset? By doing so, it is easier to sail with the wind at your back, than an anchor dragging you down.
Processes to Live Your Life By
Rather than aim to have a better life, why not live a better life? Here are seven ways to live better.
1. Let Go of the Past and Free Yourself
We can’t turn back the clock. We already know this and yet most of us still fall into the mental habits of wishing for the past to be different. Free yourself from unnecessary anchors. Live in the present moment. That’s the only path to the future.
2. Learn to Trust in Goodness
There are many things that seem to betray our trust. People's actions, policies, etc. Practice seeing beneath the surface. Trust that life’s difficulties are opportunities for our growth and learning. When we trust, we start to experience ease and connection with life.
3. Be Patient and Pace Yourself
We have dreams and aspirations. Go ahead and work towards them. However, find a pace that works for you. Balance work with self-care. Burning out is not worth it; it only slows you down. Impatience robs you of clear thinking. There is a time for everything. If this is not the right time, there will be another time. Give yourself time.
4. Don’t Take Things Personally. Even Yourself
People’s actions are a result of their mental state and beliefs. It is NOT directed at you (even if it may feel so). An angry man who yelled at you could be driven by his shock and disappointment for losing his job and not being able to provide for his family. Just like him, we also had times in our lives where we acted out of impulse that we later regret. We are often judging ourselves too, aren’t we? We are all trying our best. Practice compassion. Learn to embrace and be kind and understanding to everyone, including ourselves. When we see how vulnerable we are, we may learn to forgive more easily. And remember, the past is over.
5. Choose Your Relationships Wisely, and Don’t Take Things for Granted
Take the opportunity to consciously consider who really deserves our attention and love. We can’t please everyone. Evaluate who is important in your life, make time for them, and treasure those times. They won’t be there forever.
6. Let Go of Expectations
Many of us live with disappointments when expectations are not met. The invitation is not to give up on expectations, but rather to focus more on the process, so that we live more in the present moment. When we are present, we are better at embracing change. And opportunities often come as a surprise. Be present, curious and stay flexible!
7. Embrace Joy and Self-Appreciation
We have our negativity bias, and it has probably worsened with the current state of the world. Please give yourself the permission to feel joy when it is here. We all deserve to be happy and loved 💖! When we see this in ourselves, then we can help others do the same.
Make the Process a Habit
One way we can adopt these processes into our lives is to build them into habits. To build these habits, pick a few key life values, write them on post-its and stick them in strategic places in your living space so that you are constantly reminded of them. I tried this for many years, and they really helped me through those difficult times.
New Year New Joy
I wish you not only a ‘good start’ to your year, but a ‘good going’ for the entirety of it.
May you find the strength and patience to live true to your values and to experience love, joy and compassion!
