The Power of Silent Retreats and Four Things to Consider in Attending One
Why do we need silence?
In a world that often favours constant activity and is flooded with noise — internal and external — we have so many more ways to connect than ever, but more of us feel disconnected, from ourselves, from nature, and even from others. We feel more lonely, anxious and helpless.
Silence quiets all these distractions, giving us the chance to reconnect with peace and purpose. From a mindfulness perspective, feeling disconnected arises from a lack of awareness of our feelings and values, as well as a lack of agency in how we relate to them and fulfilling our needs. Only in silence can we deepen our mindful awareness and foster healthy relationships with our experiences, which holds the potential to transform our lives.
Silence can bring up old thoughts and emotions, which may feel uncomfortable at first. But by meeting these negative emotions with patience and compassion rather than judgement, we give ourselves the life-changing opportunity to transform them. This process of paying attention to what’s within can be a radical act of healing.
A residential silent retreat is one of the ways we can give ourselves the space to be silent, and work towards mindfulness.
What is a (Residential) Silent Retreat?
For years, I hesitated to explain what happens at silent meditation retreats because the experience is so personal. In my personal life, I have often face puzzled looks, curious questions and comments from friends and family wondering why I’d spend time and money ‘doing nothing.’ When my nieces and nephews were little, influenced by my playful brothers, would even joke, ‘Auntie’s off to hit the sofa again!’ (“姑姑又去闭关 ‘打坐’了!”), every time I mention I will be away for a silent retreat. Now that I am offering silent retreats regularly, I get that it can be beneficial to write about what retreat is.
A silent retreat is a dedicated prolonged period engaging in certain set of activities intended to support and deepen your practiced. In this article, I am not talking about the daylong, non-residential silent retreat that is part of an 8-week Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) course. Rather, I am talking about the multi-day residential retreats, usually 5 days or longer.
What can we expect from a Residential Silent Retreat?
When I embarked on my first 5-day residential silent meditation retreat almost 20 years ago, like most beginners, I was a little worried yet curious. Even though I had been meditating for about two years and enjoyed it, I wondered if I could remain quiet for so long. Like many other first-time retreatants, I worried, ‘Won’t it be boring? I don’t want to sit around all day doing nothing.’ But silent retreats are far from passive. They’re designed to balance stillness and movement, connecting you with your body and mind. There’s time to spend in nature and to fully immerse in life’s simplicity.
Through my experience, I learnt that silence isn't about being void of sound - it’s about giving that precious space to discover the more intimate voice of the heart and mind. I was able to discover certain life’s truths due to the guidance provided to me in the form of a structured routine and the support of experienced teachers. These teachers would lead us through guided meditation workshops, provide talks that connects meditation with the broader way of life informed by ancient wisdom. There would be alternating periods of sitting and walking meditation, sometimes with mindful movements like yoga or qigong. Practice periods are sometimes guided, but with plenty of personal time and choices to devise your own emphasis. There are also times for extending the practice into daily routine like mindful eating and even mindful working (such as cleaning duties) to support the running of the retreat - a practice in itself. The teachers would offer individual or small group ‘interviews’—a chance to discuss your practice, ask questions, and receive personalised guidance.
This is not to say that every silent retreat is the same. The structure of a silent retreat can vary depending on the teachers’ practice style and emphasis of the retreat, but it’s like stepping into a temporary monastery—a conducive environment designed to peel away the daily distractions that keep us distanced from ourselves. Many fear they can’t stay silent for that long, but silence isn’t about suppressing expression—it’s creating space for deeper listening. During my own retreats, I’ve witnessed how deep-seated habits and beliefs can surface, stir up difficult emotions, and slowly dissolve on their own. The process of transformation is not always easy or pleasant.
The structured nature of retreats, along with guided meditations and a shared community intention, makes silence feel less intimidating and more natural. Over the years of assisting and leading retreats myself, one of the most profound shifts I witness is when retreatants move from restlessness to settling into the rhythm of silence. After a few days without the constant influx of information, it’s as if a fog lifts, and the mind can finally ‘breathe,’ feeling more spacious and clear. The external buzz fades, revealing a rich landscape of inner stillness.
In modern terms, retreats offer mental clarity, emotional healing, and spiritual insight. But really, it’s about training the mind to be more sensitive to what’s happening right now, making choices from a place of clarity without attachment or aversion – something that can be radical in a modern world where choices are driven by extrinsic motivation. As a result, the way we see life can shift—unexpectedly and profoundly. One of my retreat teachers likes to say, retreats make us more ‘accident-prone’… in the best possible way! It’s what allowed me to step away from a lucrative consulting career and embrace mindfulness teaching—a choice I’ve never regretted as it is much closer to my personal values.
Four Things to Consider Regarding Silent Retreats
Because silent retreats are not passive getaways, there are also some other considerations to be mindful of: length of retreat, teacher support, current life circumstances, and practice style.
Length
When I recommend retreats to my students, I always suggest starting with a shorter weekend retreat if you’re uncertain. Even a one-day retreat, such as those integrated into the 8-week MBSR program, can reveal a lot and build the confidence for longer experiences. Longer retreats can be five days, nine days to a month or longer. In the contemporary mindfulness domain, a minimal duration of five-days, teacher-led retreats are the international standard. Overtime, you can explore longer retreats to deepen your practice.
Teacher Support
Most (or all) retreats would have the support of experienced retreat teachers who have a depth of meditation practice of their own, and are deeply familiar with the nuances of experiences in people during longer retreats, and know how to support participants should strong emotions arise. Often, this support comes from the individual or small group “interviews” during the retreats — providing the chance to discuss your practice, ask questions, and receive personalised guidance.
Emotional Readiness
An informed attitude to attending retreat is helpful. Attending retreat is a valuable opportunity to develop deeper awareness of the characteristics of your mind alongside deepening your meditation practice. It should not be seen as a ‘bootcamp’ to fix one’s problems, or an alternative to therapy (even if it might feel therapeutic). A silent retreat grounds itself in the balance of sincerely exploring practice alongside attitudes of gentleness and compassion. Given the intimacy with experiences, a silent retreat may bring discomfort to people currently experiencing significant emotional challenges, such as grief and yet-manageable addictive behaviour. It is not uncommon for teachers who are trauma-informed and with intention to create a psychologically safe environment to ask for personal information prior to accepting participants to assess their readiness, like what I do in my retreats.
Type and Style of Retreats
The types of retreats are plenty, including Vipassana (or Insight Meditation), Zen, or MBSR (contemporary/secular). Even within the type, such as Vipassana, the style would be different depending on the retreat teachers’ personal meditation training and preferences. Some retreats focus predominantly on stillness practices (i.e. sitting) while others offer a range of stillness and movements (such as walking, qigong, mindful yoga) consistent with ancient teachings, as I do. There are philosophical perspectives that underpin the teacher’s choices, which is difficult to go into detail here. Personally, I found that offering choices in practising, instead of rigidity, is congruent to cultivate the sense of choice needed for most practitioners in modern life.
Gift Yourself Silence
Silence is a gift we rarely give ourselves. Attending a retreat isn’t about ‘achieving’ anything; it’s about becoming intimate with our true nature. If you feel called, trust that this journey will meet you exactly where you are, offering insights you may not even know you need.
As someone who’s blessed to experience this journey countless times , I can say that every retreat is different. The teachers, retreat theme, community, physical environment, the current life's circumstances, and various unseen factors, all contribute towards how the experience will unfold. Each time, silence reveals something new—both humbling and deeply transformative. Each experience offers a step closer to the same destination - a deep, compassionate meeting with oneself, cultivation of wisdom and insight, to support a sustainable flourishing human life.
Upcoming Bali Silent Retreat in Jan 2025
If the idea of a silent retreat resonates with you and the circumstances allow, you may want to consider joining a 5-day silent retreat in January – a wonderful gift you can perhaps offer yourself in the new year! This retreat will be co-taught by me and my teacher, Patrick Kearney, in the stunning surroundings of North Bali. The offering will seamlessly blend traditional and contemporary mindfulness techniques, creating a holistic experience.
Written by: Carmen Teo
